


BACON-WRAPPED-BUGEYED

by bi_elric



Series: Memeracolous Ladycrack [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien-centric, Alya Césaire Ships It, Crack, Dork Adrien Agreste, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Hawk Moth is Gabriel Agreste, Humor, Identity Reveal, Idiots in Love, Nino Lahiffe Ships It, POV Alya Césaire, alya is THE matchmaker, alya is loud, and he HAS ears tbh, i was just SO pissed about the fact that no one has eyes, nino is a good boyfriend, none of them have the ability to distinguish people apparently but thats canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 19:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15031346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_elric/pseuds/bi_elric
Summary: Alya took a deep breath, Marinette was her best friend and she was not going to let this die.“Listen, they are both great, you know I’m THE biggest Ladybug fan” said Alya, a confident stare in her eyes“–I beg to differ” tried to interrupt Adrien, Nino put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head once again, a quiet “Dude” putting the blonde in his place“BUT!” Alya ignored him “Marinette IS caring, and generous, and–”In which Nino wants Adrien to get over his crush over ladybug (It’s been 3 years, dammit) and Alya decides it’s time to make him realize just how great Marinette is in comparison to ladybug.





	BACON-WRAPPED-BUGEYED

**Author's Note:**

> This is mainly from Nino and Alya’s POV, Adrien is a dumbass and they are all bacon-wrapped-bugeyed kids. (18yo tho)also this is mainly crack, my 12yo sister had me watch the entire first series and every episode of s2 that came out until now in what wasn’t more than a week… and I’m hooked with the series but still can’t fathom HOW they… haven’t…. realized…. yet….  
> This is the fist time I write something for the ML fandom, please be kind and let me know how I did!

“Adrien this is ridiculous!!” Nino shouted from his friend’s bathroom. He had a number one to go, but his hands, now trembling, had stopped before he could unzip anything because he had felt something watching him.

The something was the Ladybug™ Royal Sized Shower Curtain, the heroine’s blue eyes glaring at him right in front of the WC, judging him, even.

“What?” Nino heard coming from his best friend’s room

“I said!” he basically spelled, stomping away from the bathroom, his bladder shutting up for the shame of it all “That this–“ he closed the door “that!” he gestured towards said door “is ridiculous!”

“What is ridiculous? Did I forget to ask Nathalie to refill the soap?”

“No, Adrien, No” Nino took his friend’s shoulders in his hands

“The shower curtain was watching me PEE, Adrien, why the HELL would you even place it that way, what sick mind DOES that?”

Adrien looked like he had just realized what the implications of what his friend was saying could be.

“It’s– It– I swear– I don’t… I just like the curtain, I did not– It's not there because I look at it when I–”

“I didn’t even BEGIN to think about THAT, GOD! ADRIEN, DUDE” Nino felt a shiver roll down his spine “NO.” he muttered, his eyes wide open, unfathomable things rolling in the movie theatre that was his mind.

“Please let's get back to work? We have a biology paper to finish” Adrien was blushing like hell, stammering while trying to avoid Nino’s planned kink-shaming routine.

“Keep changing the subject, problematic kiddo, as soon as we're done with this stuff you're finding a girlfriend” muttered Nino throwing himself on the pillows scattered on the floor around Adrien’s tablet.

 

Time had gone by, the two of them had actually started their biology homework and incredibly were also very cose to finishing them.  
Adrien’s eyes rose from the ground, his face striking a star struck pose.  
_Was he doodling_? Nino noticed the scribbles under his hands, _did he really spend five minutes writing in good calligraphy his and Ladybug’s names surrounded by roses…_ Nino shook his head, a sorrowful “dude” coming alive in his throat.

“We need to find you someone” His voice surprised the blonde “It is priority number one, fuck this paper”

“You don’t have to start doing the matchmaker just to get out of do–“

“Shut up, my blonde, blonde friend.” Nino put a finger on his model friend’s lips “We’re finding you a partner”

“Why?”

“Adrien you can’t keep lusting over someone you don’t even know personally” Nino said, grabbing his phone and typing furiously

“Who are you text–”?

“And I don’t want to hear it, yes, yes, you have held Ladybug’s hand and blah blah blah” Nino hit sent “it’s not kindergarten marriage, Adrien, it's even less real than that” he looked at him dead in his green eyes.

“Nino, bro, I’m good, really, I don’t nee–“ the doorbell buzzed and cut him off.

The two guys fell silent as they heard the front door opening, Nathalie asking something, a feminine voice answering and then two pairs of steps walking up the stairs.

Then a knock

“Who is it?” asked Adrien standing up, _god was he tall,_ Nino thought

“One of your friends from school, she says she’s late for your study group session” Nathalie answered, no soul in her voice, nor in her eyes, just as usual.

“It’s Alya, what’s popping” Alya’s red hair emerged from behind the Agreste’s secretary

“Come in Alya,” said Adrien, staring at Nino with an unfazed glare. "Thanks for coming"

“We were waiting for you!” said Nino, a devious smile on his lips

Nathalie closed the door behind her, her soul still missing, as they sat on the floor.

 

∆

 

“Why do you even want to get me a girlfriend?” Adrien was saying, he was now laying across the floor, his arms resting on his chest, a frown altering his pretty face

“Dude listen, as much as I support you and your celebrity crush you have to like… I don’t know… even do just as much as look around you?”

“Does it even count as a celebrity crush if he’s a celebrity too tho” added Alya under her breath

“I’m not a celebrity Alya,” said Adrien

“Is there ANYONE? At All? That you like?” Nino was so done with his pining over the heroine

“I don’t know… I’ve been crushing on Ladybug for so long… I don’t think I could find someone that’s better than her, or even just remotely comparable”

“Nino, honey, you know he’s right” Alya put a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder

“Babe please work with me?” Nino pleaded,

“Honey he's got it too bad for us to do anything" 

"I know, but maybe we can–"

"He is wearing a Ladybug tee and I’m fairly sure his underwear are red and have black polka dots, Nino,” Alya pointed at the small area just above Adrien's pants, showing the red elastic that shyly peeked out. Adrien stretched his tee to cover it, blushing.

“Emergency room” said Nino “Adrien, you stay there.”

Nino took Alya’s hand and dragged her to the bathroom, closing the door behind them, leaving Adrien and his Ladybug briefs alone.

“Please be on my side, I know he’s right and I know Ladybug’s the best thing ever and that you idolize her, but… Please?” Nino seemed honestly worried for his friend.

And honestly who was she to keep such a guy from the rest of the world. The girl thought it over, weighting pros and cons of actually helping his boyfriend’s best friend.

She didn’t really want to see Marinette suffer anymore than she already did, she had been doing good and didn’t really stammer too much around the model guy much, but if he decided to date anyone that wasn’t here every inch of progress she had made would have crumbled.

Maybe leaving Adrien Agreste have a relationship with his Ladybug cushion –that Alya was sure she had, hidden somewhere; was really the best option she had

“Honey, I don’t know…”

“You leave me no choice,” said Nino, then he turned her towards the shower curtain.  
Blue eyes stared into Alya’s soul, convincing her.

 

∆

 

“ADRIEN YOU HAVE TO FIND A GIRL” Adrien jumped up as Alya almost kicked down his bathroom’s door.

Alya sat right in front of him, crossing her legs and glaring so hard into the blonde’s eyes he feared she could pierce his skull, Nino behind the, happy the cavalry had arrived.

“Alya you’re scaring me,” said Adrien, his voice trembling

“Tell me, sunshine boy” she pushed her glasses further up her nose bridge “what do you like about Ladybug–”

Adrien took a breath and almost started, but Alya’s index finger stopped him

“–Other than her skin-tight suit”

The blonde became as red as said suit in a matter of seconds

“See, Nino” Alya said, leaning a bit over towards her boyfriend “I know what I’m dealing with”

Adrien cleared his throat and started

“Well, it really goes beyond the fact that she’s stunning, really” his eyes started shining “She’s passionate and adventurous and smart and incredible and strong and ready to fight for what’s right and she’s always been an inspiration for me and–” his eyes could now belong to an old time-y shoujo manga* “and she’s so kind to everyone and anyone and her voice is amazing and her eyes are so fiery and–” Adrien stopped mid-sentence “I’m sorry, really, I just… I really am in love with her, I know it’s stupid and weird to have a crush on someone you’ll never have, but she’s… amazing”

“Look, I’m not saying you should give up your feelings for her, it’s really beautiful and honestly I almost cried while you were listing all those amazing things, but it’s really time you look around yourself, not to find the love of your life, even just to see if there’s other girls that might interest you not as much as Ladybug but at least to some point” said Nino “I just don’t want to see you suffering forever the same heartbreak, dude”

“No, I get it, really, but I don’t… I don’t think I know any–” Alya noticed that Adrien paused, even if for just a second, his eyebrows rising as if his brain told him that _Well maybe there WAS someone he liked_  “–Anyone that I could like” he finished.

Alya’s foxy smile made him shiver.

“Okay let’s… let’s go over the girls you DO know” she said, putting her hands together “Clearly, if you want you can tell me to consider the guys too, we’d support you on that”

“Yeah, I think I’m sticking to girls for now, don’t worry, thanks tho”

Alya smiled, what a nice guy, not worried about his masculinity, not stereotypically male model-ish, so smart…

“We have… Chloé”

Adrien looked disgusted

“Keep in mind that I don’t know your model friends, so–”

“Don’t worry, Alya, every model I know it’s painfully unpleasant, to keep it politically correct…”

“The fashion industry really is a bitch, eh?” said Nino in sympathy, Adrien nodded and Alya went on.

She listed most of their classmates, then, after she made sure not to leave anyone unsaid before the big hit, pleasantly aware that Adrien never even thought about any of them, said

“Oh and clearly there’s Marinette, I almost forgot to mention her” Alya’s big eyes thinning to catch any reaction from the model boy who up until then had not done more than scoffing.

A shy smile, promptly suppressed, wrinkled Adrien’s lips “Yeah, I mean… she’s kind and funny, but I don’t think she would ever–”

“You seem awfully opinionated on my friend, tell me more, we’ll get to that “she would never” bullshit right after” Alya made herself comfortable, her shoulders leaning over Nino’s lap.

On his side Adrien seemed uncomfortable “What is there to say, she’s my friend, I like her as such, and she’s kind, and cute, but–”

 

Nino wasn’t really listening to be honest, his share had been done and now Alya, who knew far more relationship-wise, had taken the wheel. So he was just there, playing with his girlfriend’s hair, watching a couple of pigeons walk aimlessly on the rooftop right on the other side of the street.  
_What would it have felt like to be a pigeon_ , he asked himself, _having nothing to do seemed fun, but was it really worth it…_

For a second a sound from far away bought him back to reality in a whiplash, he focused what was going on right behind said rooftop

“AKUMA!” he yelled as soon as he saw a big, gooey purple-y thing wielding something just a couple streets away “THERE’S AN AKUMA ATTACK”

“Is there?” Adrien was almost beaming with happiness, he clearly didn’t really want to talk about his feelings, and he ran towards the window to look better

“NOT NOW!” yelled Alya, standing up from Nino’s lap

“FUCKING HAWKMOTH AND HIS FUCKING AKUMAS AND HIS FUCKING IDEAS AND HIS AWFUL FUCKING TIMING!”

Her yells could be heard from the streets

“DO YOU HEAR ME, HAWKMOTH?”

“Alya please”

“DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME YOU DUMBASS SON OF A BITCH?”

She kept screaming, pointing at the sky

“Alya please my father’s home” pleaded Adrien

“YOU ARE A MOTHERFUCKING NIGHTMARE AND I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU”  
like yelling towards the ceiling could make a difference

“DESTROY PARIS YOU LEWD ASSHOLE, YOU FUCKING POTATO, YOU DELUSIONAL RAISIN COOKIE”

As if Hawkmoth could hear her

“JUST LEAVE ME WITHOUT HAVING TO RUN AROUND FILMING LADYBUG FOR A FUCKING AFTERNOON! YOU BITCH ASS FUCKBOY”

As if Hawkmoth lived in the Agreste’s attic.

“ONE DAY YOU’RE GOING TO CATCH THESE HANDS YOU SHITHEAD”

_As if Hawkmoth’s super secret man cave was just above their heads._

 

Nino placed a hand on Alya’s mouth, and the rest of her profanities came out muffled as she kept screaming.

“I’m sorry Adrien, I would love to stay here, but your dad hates me already and I really want you to come to school tomorrow” said the DJ, trying to apologies and walking towards the door dragging his girlfriend

“Don’t worry, really, I’ll send you what we’ve done up until now and we’ll work on the last part next time, it was good to see you Nino” said Adrien without taking the time to breathe “and it was good to have you too, Alya, haveaniceafternoongoodbye”

And just like that Nino and Alya were out the front door, Alya was straightening her shirt to start the live streaming of the akuma attack, Nino was sighing as he put on his headphones.

At the same time, on the other side of the house, Adrien’s room’s window had been opened and a black, agile, figure had jumped right out of it, running towards the building right in front of the Agreste’s Mansion, and scaring the pigeons Nino had stared at for so long.

 

∆

 

It had ben two weeks since Alya and Nino had their chat with Adrien and they hadn’t been able to finish it ever since. Then one day Marinette got a fever and didn’t go to school, leaving Adrien to be eaten by the sharks.

“So, want to finish our talk?” said Alya, reaching over above Adrien’s head and whispering right into his ear.

“I…” Adrien looked at Nino, the DJ was shaking his head as to say You Are Not Getting Away With This “I guess I want to.” He finished, an irrational fear telling him to run away.

 

So there they were, sitting together at lunch on the bench right out of school.

“You were saying about Marinette”

“I was saying,” said Adrien, cold shivers running down his spine “That I really think she’s great but I don’t want to put her next to Ladybug”

Alya took a deep breath, Marinette was her best friend and she was not going to let this die.

“Listen, they are both great, you know I’m THE biggest Ladybug fan” said Alya, a confident stare in her eyes

“–I beg to differ” tried to interrupt Adrien, Nino put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head once again, a quiet “Dude” putting the blonde in his place

“BUT!” Alya ignored him “Marinette IS caring, and generous, and–” she stopped herself from putting words into Adrien’s mouth and just said “There is nothing that you –or anyone else, for that matter; can say about her that is not 100% positive” Nino nodded in agreement.

“Alya, I could never say anything negative about Marinette, as you said, she’s just the best thing there is she really is the kindest person out there, she’s nice to everyone and she’s generous and she’s so damn creative and GOD, her laugh is something magical, and I am so glad to be her friend and to be able to be there and witness how amazing she is on a daily basis, but–”

Adrien stopped, the smile on his face freezing for a second.

Nino looked at Alya, astonished at his girlfriend’s abilities to make people realize their feelings.

The People Who Had Just Realized His Feelings was, meanwhile, clutching his chest, head bent towards, almost at the same height as his knees, his eyes open.

And that, that was the moment Alya knew Marinette would have had to thank her until the end of times.

“Oh god, Alya, I like her” Adrien said, “Nino, how could I not realize this earlier? Did it really just take me three years to–” he took his heads into his hands

“You were kinda obvious, tho” said Nino at one point, Adrien had no idea how long he had been clutching his head, trying not to let it spin as fast as it was spinning.

“How? I didn’t know it myself, Nino”

“You were” said Alya “I mean, we didn’t know for sure, but just like you said before, you look at her like she’s a goddess, you watch her do the simplest things in the same awe you’d be if a magician had just made a bunny appear right below your eyes”

“You do do that, dude”

The couple laughed between each other, high fiving after finally cracking Adrien. No, not cracking. They had probably broke him, Alya thought as he watched him whimper something incomprehensible between his knees.

 

∆

 

Another week had passed, Alya and Nino were still joking about breaking Adrien and he still had done nothing to make Marinette aware that he liked her.

“You know, Sunshine boy,” said Alya as soon as Marinette left her seat to go to the restroom “you might just have a type”

“How so,” said Adrien in return, turning around to face the red haired fox who had messed up his psyche more than his father’s lack of affection

“Well,” started Nino “both Marinette and Ladybug have dark hair”

The other two nodded along

“They also have both pigtails, now that I think of that” Nino shrugged

“They have both blue eyes too!” added Alya, stretching her legs under her desk

“They are also both kind leaders with a strong sense of justice, for that matter” Added Adrien, trying not to make this entire thing a physical thing

“I know you ARE trying to make your thirst something merely intellectual” Alya interrupted him “but Marinette and Ladybug have literally the same built and the same hair and the same eyes, and the s–”

 

And then a wild thought manifested itself in their brains

 _Maybe_ Marinette and Ladybug were not two different people _at all._

 

∆

**Author's Note:**

> i just loved the idea that none of them had actually taken the time to like... use their eyes... and also i wanted alya to personally insult hawkmoth up close  
> Please tell me if you liked it or if you hated it! ^^
> 
> Come tell me im a dumbass @ s-keaton on tumblr


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